Thursday, January 27, 2011

never been to the city of Pines.

Good friends miss each other and what they only want is to spend some time together and bring back the old times, catch up and laugh as if it's just yesterday that they've been away. And that's what my high school classmates, IV-Aries`04, planned. They'll be getting together for the week-ends. Their destination would be Baguio City. Sadly, I couldn't be with them as much as I wanted to. Oh LOSER!!! How's that? We're having our corporate planning tomorrow, which is also the day when they'll be leaving for Baguio. Yeah, I won't be able to join them. :( Just this moment, Xandra asked me if I don't have plans of joining them. Naiinggit na ako hindi pa man sila umaalis!!! Hahaha. Oh well.. you guys take care and have fun. Maybe next time, I'll be with you.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

i fell in love with books, but i was brokenhearted over and over again.

I couldn't say that I am a book worm myself, cause that would be overrated. A "novel lover" may not be bad if I may say so. I've been reading a bunch from way back when. Though my interests are limited to fictions (which include psychological thrillers, detective/mystery novels and light love stories) and a little of non-fictions, still there's a room to explore other topics. Been reading books by books and authors by authors. How on earth did these authors' imagination lead to their stories is one thing I've always thought after finishing one. Sometimes, I even wonder if I could be like them - writers in their own genres. Uhm.. it left me with nothing to say but "uhhh well, I didn't even try writing a short one. So probably, it's better if I just continue what I am comfortable of... and that's reading!" Yeah I know, I am not that only person who admires Nicholas Sparks. There are millions of my kind all over the planet. Many of you knew him well more than I do. Why`d I picked him as my favorite among the so-many authors I liked? (Not to mention my love for J.K. Rowling, cause it's another story) Cause he's the one who made me moved! I've read a number of his books already and have picked my most favorite among them which is "The Wedding". Sparks' writings were all over the movies but I honestly just watched two, I guess. I recommend that you read first the book before going through its movie because it's way better than silver screen. Almost all of his books I've read made my eyes red and misty. Every book he has written is a masterpiece in it's own way. His books moved me, made me cry buckets, made me smile and made me realize some things through his words.

Just yesterday, I finished his non-fiction-kind-of-autobiography book, "Three Weeks with my Brother". I swear that I am still in awe right at this moment. This book filled my eyes with tears chapter by chapter. I learned about his childhood and how he became a millionaire unexpectedly because of writing. He had a LOT in his life, a series of ups and downs. Now, I know where his books came from. I really can't explain how I felt for him while reading the book. You should find out yourself. :)

Oh, I still have five Sparks' to read. Might as well continue my reading.


-jamittle-
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Thursday, December 9, 2010

just today



 
 
Just today
I'll think of you
 
Just today
I'll reminisce the good times
 
Just today
I'd cherish the love
 
Just today
I'd miss your hugs
 
Because today of every year
Never will I forget...
It's your day
 
 
 
- jamittLe -

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

the story on bouquet of flowers

I was caught staring at my past, present and future all at once. The dare is for them to grab a hold of me. What's sad is that they've chosen to hold something else instead of me. So what's the point of me, choosing between them as well?

How can I entrust my heart to anyone of them, when I already know that they’ll only let it go? How can I be cared for when all I can see are those hands trying to grab nameless flowers?

From the very start, I didn’t expect my past to run forward and catch up. My past has passed. He’s now living as another’s present.

The only one I expected to grab the moment is my present. But like my past, I’ve never seen any intentions of saving me from the fall. After all the words he has spoken, it all flashed right through my mind. I thought there’ll be reciprocal actions. I was then, wrong! That very moment, I was looking beyond what I’ve seen and concluded that actions are way louder than those sweet spoken words.

How about my future? He represents the things I would actually expect in life. But then, he’s given me the idea that my future would never be different at all. And that, it’s just the same path I’m taking.

My past, my present and my future… They don’t differ!

Realizations came after that very incident. I found myself at the crossroads. I began to think if I should continue living with the present or let it be another past?

Here, in this crossroads, I will decide whether to take the same path where I can only guess that all that happened repeats itself. Or I will take a road less travelled? The road in which I don’t exactly know what is at stake. If I take a new path, I would never know if it will lead me again to the future I’m pertaining to. Otherwise, there’ll be someone new.

Just the way the author – Robert Frost took a less travelled road and that has made all the difference. I’ll take the risk of walking through a new path. This journey will surprise me of the things not long known to me but somehow, I can say, would bring a difference in my life.

I’ll expect nothing but to meet a new future. A future not planned but is destined for me. It is my fate that will bring me to someone real and right.

But when can I have the strength to let go of my present and find my new future? `Cause by now, my heart is still stronger than my will.

-jamittle-

09/30/09

Monday, June 8, 2009

i just hope.. it's real..

I am totally hooked with Tamia’s song entitled, “This Time It’s Love”. Check it out!

Funny, I’ve always been inlove with the idea of being inlove with someone, but I’ve never been into a serious relationship. Of course, I’ve always been sooo serious when it comes to loving someone, unfortunately, those people I loved never seem to care about my feelings and just left me hanging! Thank you people! That’s sooo nice of you!

Enough of those sarcastic comments, I am writing this entry to tell the world how confused I am right now!

Confused, because I feel like caring for this certain person, who I intend to ignore for the longest time.. He’s totally not my type of guy. I swear! But, there’s this thought that made me change the way I treat him.

WTH! I told myself before, I’ll never be with him! I only see his bad image, he being the bully guy back when we were just kids.

But… I don’t dislike him either. We’re friends though. We’ve been on same drinking sessions and even same peer group. But the least I can offer him is a friendship, no more.. no less.

But that was before. I just realized that..

  • Regardless of what he is, nothing changed that much except now he’s a hardcore basketball player (making the girls shout for him.. GO!), yet he stayed nice to me after being the snob type of girl to him.
  • Despite my not-so-good treatment and the not-so-much (but many) turned downs I gave him, he’ still there.
  • Although, he’s not so consistent as there are months of dormancy, he still find his way to show me how much he cares for me.
  • After having a “commitment” with others, he still like to be one of them.
I actually took him for granted! My bad! I know.. I am sooo mean to him. I kept looking for others to give my ♥ , while he’s just there looking over me.

He’s always been there, just waiting.. and waiting for the time I’ll notice him.

That time has come.. I didn’t expect this to happen, and I never wanted this to happen either! Oh what can I do?! I’ve been hooked!

Now, I am confused. Am I doing the right thing? What if I just end up hurting him again? I can’t afford to cause him much pain than what I did before. I would never want to waste our friendship.

Gawd! I know he’s a good man. I know he can be what I expect him to be, but still there are doubts running through my mind. So many “what-ifs”!

My decision? I’ll be taking chances. I’ll be risking our friendship. I just hope.. this time, he’ll be deserving.. I hope, it’s worth his waiting..

I hope.. this time it’s love.

-jamittle-

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Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Illicit and Complex

Are you a kept woman? Are you happy being one? Do you exclusively reserve yourself for someone who's not exclusively reserved to you? Are you that emotionally attached that you learn to live the life you have now?

To be biased, I do not dislike women living a life of being a kept woman (see, I actually can't say the common word for it) but, I am not fan of those women either.

I know there are reasons why you girls go for that kind of relationship with a committed man. I, actually, am disgusted with those men! How dare you marry a girl then have an affair with another? 

Girls, have you forgotten one of the Decalogue (The Ten Commandments) or should I say two of that? First, you should not commit adultery and second, you should not covet (desire) anything that belongs to your neighbor.

Don't get me wrong, I understand that you feel something special for that someone that you choose to be with him even if he's already committed to someone. Or maybe, some of you just need his money to live. Either way, you're on the wrong track.

Have you considered the feelings of his legitimate woman? Do you actually realized how "world destroying" it is to know that her man was not hers exclusively? And what if they have kids? Have you considered how hurtful it is for their kids to accept that their dad have other woman? You're making their lives as well as yours miserable. Put yourself in his wife's shoes. Try to feel what she'll feel when she finds out that her husband has a mistress. Think this way, you're married with someone and that someone has another. 

From the very start, you know it is WRONG to enter that "world" but still, you choose to go inside. This is how it happened...

You meet that j*rk. You got to know him, discovered how sweet he is. (C'mon! that's a man's special power! His charisma!) You actually knew he's married but then you let yourself see him the next time. You went out with him once, then it became a regular date, say, every other night or every night. He told you about his "marital relationship" which is way far from the true story (it's his main strategy!). Then, you extended your sympathy. Days passed by and then, he courted you, told you you're the one who could give back his happiness. He told you he's already "in love" with you (how easy it is to say boys!). You, at first, will say, "It's wrong! You're married". But still, you accepted his proposal because you've been blindly in love, too. (tadddaaa!) Your ordinary world turned out to be an "extraordinary world".

Girls, we're all given the so-called "instinct" to use them whenever we feel certain. First instinct that came to you is when you actually learned that he's married. Next, is when you told him he's doing a wrong decision. But what have you done? You ignored your instinct because you also felt happiness that time. I will tell you this, you'll never be happy for the rest of your affair as long as you know that he's NOT yours! You're a borrower, remember that!

It is all in your hands to leave that affair but you didn't. You held on for what? For the term you call "LOVE"? WTH! Are you too desperate to find a lover? There are many fishes in the sea for heaven's sake! Oh yeah, his wife and you have the same thing in common... "a man who tells you LIES". And by the way, are you sure you're the ONLY "other woman"? You may not know you're three!

Look this way, I am a friend not an enemy. I am just giving you insights about being "the other woman". It's also not a good psychologist do but it is my way of giving you good realizations. 

It is hard to let yourself talk to others that you are in a secret situation for the main reason that you are afraid to be embarrassed! I know right, you still want people to think about you as a good saint with no flaws. You fear being called a home-wrecker, but why? You chose to be one! You should be proud! (Sorry, just got carried away..) 

Okay, I am there with you, you've been in your situation because it is an "emotional" affair. But with him, is it? Or is it a "sexual" affair and you are just one of his sexual outlet? What if you got pregnant? How will you tell your parents? "I'm pregnant with a married man..." That baby will have a miserable life as well cause being an illegitimate child is the hardest to accept. 

You will never be able to be proud of your affair. You'll always be behind those doors while he's out with his family. You'll lose your own family when they found out your illicit affair, even your friends. Your rightful best friend will fire you out of her life, though she doesn't want to, she's hoping you'll end up your "craziness" find your way back to your friendship. What else have you got? No one else but that liar. How can you trust a man who can't even be honest with his own wife? Wake up!

After reading this and you can still tell yourself, "No words can ever make me leave this affair!", then I surrender! I wish you luck! May you have the "happiness" and may you have "peace" in your heart.

To you cheaters out there, your ID is way high over your superego! You only want what's pleasurable that you lost consideration towards others. So where'd you left your ego? By the way, id, ego & superego are psychological terms in case you didn't know (as your brain is dysfunctional).

You, j*rks, should be condemned, not these women. These kept women are just your victims here. You are the criminals! Show yourself and be proud you are one hell of a cheater! How could you soundly sleep at night? Thank God you're not yet paranoid that your wife will cut your throat while your asleep. Oh well, one way or another, you'll have what you deserve. Not now but maybe, tomorrow. 

For final words, I want to share this to you. I've read this somewhere.. "Love has its own reason. Destiny has its own way and karma has its own judgment."


***Note: 
I wrote this as an outlet on how to tell my friend her mistake being one. Actually, I already told her some of what I wrote in here but unfortunately, my words got thrown to a trash bin. My cellphone load, my time, and efforts just got wasted. Our friendship? Civil as I can call it. I don't text her at all unless she text me. I am still her friend, though. Actually, I miss her. I really do miss her. I miss my friend, she used to be. 

The night she told me about this, she said... "I love him, I've fallen. We'll hold on. I'm sorry."

My reaction? Of course, I am surprised! Just weeks ago, she told me there's no way she'll be with this guy. What the hell is she thinking? A guy's effort doesn't matter. It is his way of getting her trust, to capture her vulnerable heart.

I told her, "We promised not to break this friendship down no matter what. I am still holding on that to that promise. But when it comes to that guy, I'm backing off. I hope there would never come a time that you'll choose that guy over me."

She never got my support. I totally dislike that guy. For heaven's sake, he's married and has two kids! I asked if she has strength enough to fight for what she feels. She said, "Not yet but I am SURE about my feelings." (D*mn!) She even told me this.. "_______ is amazing if you get to know him." (I would not want to know him, nor meet him at all). I surrendered talking to her about this cause all she can say is that.. "I don't know what to say. I'm confused. I know you only want what's right." There, my words just got thrown! (In short, she can hear me, but she's not listening).

I know she needs me more this time, a friend to lean on and give her strength. Even if I wanted to, I couldn't even picture the moment I'm gonna tell her, "It's okay, every thing's gonna be alright." Because for the fact, that every thing's not right!

I know, I'm not perfect. I ain't always on the right track. But I know what's legal and moral. She can tell me, "How could you say those words when you yourself has your own flaws?" And I'll tell her, "Cause I am not against any law."

I'm hoping, SOON (as in now), she'll realize she'll have a better life without that guy. She's beautiful and she's lovable. She'll meet someone, not committed, who will give her happiness more than she could get from a liar. 

My friend, I love you as always. When you finally leave him, I am just here with arms wide open. I will forget the day you got out of your mind and hugged you as if nothing happened. I hope it is soon. I miss you! Maybe, for as long as you're with him, expect me not to ask you about how your life is. I swear, I would not want to know what's going on with your life with him.

And if you're mad about this entry... I'm sorry! I just don't feel like telling it to you personally. I might do what other things aside from talking to you. I might even slap your face for you to wake up. I'm sorry.. sorry.. sorry.. 






Thursday, January 8, 2009

the other bee..

This morning, after I've gone through my feeds and emails, I then visited my accounts on Friendster, Multiply and lastly, Facebook. I replied to my recently received comments on Friendster, and then viewed recently posted photos on Multiply. I had 2 invites in my Facebook account, one is to join a certain application and the other one is a friend request.  Funny, when I look who's inviting me, it appears that a certain Jamie Bee wants to be my friend. The fact that my name is also Jamie Bee. I then checked the account and leave a wall-to-wall message:
Is Jamie Bee your real name?
I didn't expect this other Jamie Bee will reply soon so I logged out as soon as I've nothing to do there. Then, I opened my messenger application in which all my accounts in Yahoo, Gmail, and Facebook will display who's online (nice application huh?!). I went through  my office works again. Hours later, I checked my messenger. I saw that the other Jamie Bee is online/idle. I am the first to give a PM. Here's some of our conversation:

*Note: some of our conversations we're not posted. 

me: hei.
the other: hei.
me: Is Jamie Bee your real name?
the other: yes
me:  really? All this years, I thought I am the only one who's got that name.
the other: me, too.
me: Now we're two! :)) Where are you from?
the other: England
  me: ah i see. How did you get your name?
the other: my parents gave me. a present :)
me: are you a male or a female?
the other: male
me: i'm a female. how old are you?
the other: 19.
me: i'm older than you, i'm 21. And i bet you're taller than me.
the other: no.
me: yeah.. cause asians are of the average height.
the other: You're an Asian?
me: yea.. and  i am just below 5'0". 
the other: no. no. yes i am taller. 
me: not proud of my height though I accepted it.
I'm from the Philippines.
the other: I heard you have nice surf beach there.
me: yeah, we've got lots of them. You should come here.
the other: I will. I will.
me: Where exactly are in England?
the other: South coast, surfing place.
(then he gave me link to see his hometown)
me: nice place.. We are in different sides of the world! :))
...we talked about different things (from my degree and his course, our universities, then I introduced him to Multiply - after I gave him my URL, our countries, 3rd world countries, america, his hobbies, when will he going to the Philippines - which he told me in 3 years or less), and then I asked..

me:  What is your surname?
the other: Bee!!!
me: I see, so I still have the title of having a unique name!
the other: Indeed you are. 
me: While your Bee is your surname, my Bee still a part of my first name.
the other: yessss..

...then back to our conversation.

Our conversation lasted almost half an hour. I'm the first to say goodbye cause I've gotta go to a nearby bank. He told me, he had a nice time talking to me (flattered me!). 

me: talk to you later :)
the other: soon i hope. :)

There it goes! There are lots of Jamie out there! But still, I've got mine so unique. I am still happy about having a friend Jamie Bee. As what my Facebook shows... "Jamie Bee Rosales is now friends with Jamie Bee".

I planned on putting his photo here... With respect to his right, just search Facebook for you to see. *wink*


update: His real name is Jamie Lyn Bee.. We still have unique names though! :))