One great love compared to one true love...

 

One great love is a love whose intensity is so great that regardless of how long time has passed couldn't dampen the feelings you had. It's the kind of love you'll never forget. The one you have to let go, because sometimes, love is not enough. It's heartbreaking to let go but it's just not worth fighting for. Fate has a way of playing with your hearts. You can never have each other 'cause you're both better off separated. Yet after so many years, it's so hard to ignore the spark when your eyes meet again. But then again, you have to suppress the feelings and move on with your own happy lives and just be happy for each other. 

On the other hand, one true love is a love enduring commitment, maturity and constant communication. The one you end up with and built a happy life together. The relationship made from a strong foundation of love, trust, respect and time for each other. The only one who stand by you through thick and thin; through sunny days and stormy ones; the one you vow to love until death takes you apart.

 

In any given lifetime, you may experience both love. Lucky, if your one great love is also your one true love. In my case, they were different persons I fell in love with. 

- jamittle -

072715

my favorite "almost"

I've read somewhere that everyone has an ex they still think about. I think so, too. Even when I did not intend to. Oftentimes when I'm just riding for a short or long travel, I'd stare at the window and reminisce the good times. It's always him that comes to my mind. So why him? It could be any of my pasts, but why him? Come to think about it, I may have a handful of "MUs" before but I never think about them. Oh yeah maybe a couple of times, but when I do, it's platonic - no feelings involved. And him? He's not even my ex. Well, technically he's an ex-almost 'cause we're almost there until it suddenly ended, he's my hardest unofficial goodbye. It's just him who has the distinct impact in me until now. When I dreamed of him and woke up from that dream, I wanted to go back to that very same dream with the hopes that our story will have a different ending - a happy one.

In real life, our story didn't exist - almost but never did. This world of us, it's only in my mind now. The reality is that we don't belong together anymore. We are two worlds apart. I know he has moved on and I, as well; though deep inside it's so hard to walk away.

 

- jamittle -

 



little thoughts about living, loving & learning

 

You may notice I posted a bunch of old entries from my old Friendster account. I heard Friendster will soon close and reformat its site. I'm afraid my articles will be forever gone so I decided to repost them here. :)

These articles are part of me and I can't bear to think that I'd never read them again.

-jamittle-

050311

i am living in an ordinary world with ordinary people

this ordinary people bring extraordinary things to me

i can say that sometimes, i am invisible through the eyes of them

sometimes, i am the center of their conversations

little do they know, i can hear what they say about me

not literally, but deep inside of me

i know…

…if they like me or not

…if they need me or they just want to use me

…if they care or they just want to show off

…if they love me, or just want to hurt me

…if they’ll stay or suddenly leave

i am what i am

what you see is what you get

what i have is what i give

what you give is what i take

that’s LIVING.

i have lived for twenty-one years now

i experienced a lot of pains, struggles and sufferings

i have felt sadness and happiness,

of solitude and tranquility…

i have gained what i should gain

and let go of something i should never have

there’s a definite pain in holding on

and worst in letting go…

i have done that so many times

and i am used to it..

in terms of loving, i am a fool

but i am not a LOSER.

i am born to love and not to hate

i guess being left behind

is the price i pay for loving with all my heart…

that’s LOVING…

and who would ever say i am a loser?

nobody has the right to call me one

because all these years

i never give up on love

i get tired, i swear!

but i never give up…

i always have the courage to stand up

after a fall

to face the laughing world

i am not ashamed of what life has brought me

i am thankful for that

because i know something’s waiting for me

i am still walking and taking my journey

experience is my teacher

that’s LEARNING…

someday we’ll meet, i know

i don’t know you but i assure you

you’ll be part of my life…

till then…

SEE YOU AT THE CROSSROADS.. :)

- jamittLe -

victory and defeat

posted: 030310

In love, the hardest to compete with is… the one BEFORE you!

“I wish he’ll choose me over her… which I doubt will happen”.

These are the words I once said. I really didn’t think that it will happen too soon. I’ve been fighting a faceless battle. I’ve been competing with a person I’ve never met. We were both doing our best to win, and get the price.

Funny how we both did all we can just to grab a hold of only one person we’re both in love with. We compete for his time, his love, his care, his hugs, his kisses and for his heart. I didn’t want to have just a part of him, but him as a whole.

I said, I can’t and I won’t let her win. That even though I know that it’s a win-lose situation, I still held on. She has the all the advantages against me. I was the challenger; I only have my heart to fight until the end.

I was emotionally inclined to having him as mine… only mine. For almost four months, I’ve been thinking… what if it did happen? What if I won? Would I be happy knowing there’s someone out there, crying and been broken by my selfish intentions? Or would it be the other way around that I would be left broken, crying for I have lost the fight?

The fight is over. Somebody won. Somebody got the price. Someone was in grief, suffering from pure melancholy while someone was happy, feeling a pure bliss.

Honestly, I wasn’t expecting that I’ll win. I was expecting otherwise, `cause of the fact that I have nothing but him to fight for. What was 3 months compare to an almost one year of being together? They’ve been through a lot of happy memories. His family knew her and like her… Me? They know nothing about me and I don’t think they’d be interested to know me when they found out that I’ve been the reason why they separate ways.

It’s all I ever wanted. To own the only person who made me happy as ever. He chose me over her because he loves me. That’s a fact. But why am I not so sure about this game anymore? Am I being too afraid to find out that he’s right when he said, “I don’t know if you can make me as happy as she made me or if you can make me happier than that”? Those words stroked right through my heart. He then said, “Hopefully, it’s worth my sacrifice of letting go of her for you… all I know is that I love you that’s why I chose you”.

I can still sense the pain of him leaving that girl behind. I can still feel the love he has for her. I can still see right through his eyes the pain of not having her around. He got used to be with her for almost a year and I just took him away from her. It’s his choice, I know, but he made that decision because he needed to even if he didn’t want to.

It hurts knowing he can’t move on yet. He cut the connections between them, no more communications. But I feel I making him remember her sometimes, in a way I didn’t intend to.

It is really too selfish to ask him to try to forget all about her. All I want to ask is that, may he let me prove to him how much I want to be part of his life. After all, if he thinks I could never give him the happiness he wanted, why on earth did I hold on for so long? I should’ve just given up and let her win. I can also make him happy in my own way, and not according to the shadows of his past.

I still feel insecure, scared that he might realize that he made a mistake by choosing me. I am the winner but still, in terms of all the things they’ve shared together, I feel defeated. I feel weak every time we talk about her, afraid that he might tell me that I’m nothing compare to her. Or am I just so stupid to think about it. Or maybe, I am really just the insecure one!

Now, all I can say is that, I am not giving up. Not now… never. He can give me up and that’s the time I will then. But as long as we’re together, I’ll still be fighting. A new battle has started and it is between us and our fate.

- jamittle -

030310

my new present found along the less traveled path

posted: 121509

From my previous entry, in order to change my future, I decided to take a different path, the road less traveled. However, during that time, my heart is still stronger than my will… that I can’t even let go of my present, until I found a reason to move on to another path.

I can hardly explain this sudden change of heart. All I can say is I met someone who caused me to finally learn to let go of the present and face the unknown future. And this was totally unexpected. He is the person who changed my life.

In him, I found someone who can get me out of where my heart was stuck. He has the potential to steal me from my miserable present. I didn’t have the plans of stealing him from his girl, nor try destroying their relationship. It’s just that, we’re close and I was afraid, either or both of us will fall… and we both did.

I didn’t mean to wreck someone else’s relationship. I am a just and fair person; I don’t want others to suffer due to my childish acts. For a moment, I am rationally arguing with myself, saying, “Girl, you are on the wrong track! Better turn right!” But a feeling of happiness invaded my rationality and without thinking twice, I took the plunge.

Forgive me as I tell this story. I knew all along, I am being devilish, who wants to share for someone’s piece of sweet cake. But when love strikes the heart, there’s nothing you can do but to give in. That’s what I did. Though I knew that I can never be the only one in his life, I took the risk and I took a chance. I can never call myself his girl `cause from what people knew, he has a girlfriend. Instead, he called me his “wife”. how flattering it is to be called wife when in fact in fact, I’m the mistress!

I knew I can cope up with this complicated set up. This decision I’ve made, I have no regrets. I love him enough. Enough, that it caused me to enter in this kind of situation. I ain’t had no one who made me feel loved the way he did. I can feel that he’s true in every word he said, in every move he made, and in every effort he exerted.

So what is our set up? I am his wife, she is his girl. I am the secret one, she is the legal one. I am the one he loves, but not the one he’s officially committed to and she is otherwise. She got to spend the weekdays with him, without her knowing that for the rest of the week, he’s mine. I knew about her, she didn’t have even the slightest idea about me.

He can’t give up any of us. He’s afraid that when his girl discovered the truth and leave him, I will leave him, too. And it is too much to bear for him. I told him, I’ll put myself where I am expected to be. I won’t even try to destroy their relationship. We’ll just enjoy each others company. And when the time comes for him to decide who to choose, I told him there’s no pressure. He can give me up and I will let him go. Besides, I don’t have the right to fight against the legal one. I will just lose the battle.

Who am I to fight against the girl his entire family knew? I will just be the “villain” and I don’t want to be called such.

Where would this love affair lead us? That, I don’t know. He told me, he’s more afraid to lose me than to lose her. But I knew deep inside, he’s more afraid to lose both of us and be left with no one.

Still, I am hoping he’ll choose me over her, which I doubt will happen.

Is this the future I wanted? Is this the price I pay for not sticking to my miserable present and finding my new future?

Well, I am always on the side of no regrets. Whatever happens, this is my decision which I am responsible to withstand the consequences.

- jamittle -

110909

* sorry for the late posting. I am not proud of stealing somebody’s possession and I am not proud of telling the world how BITCH I am. Thanks for those who can understand and sorry for those who condemn.

if i were the player

posted: 081109

i’ve never been an athlete, running in the field.

i’ve never been a volleyball player, jumping to block the ball.

i’ve never been a basketball player, shooting for goals.

i’ve always been a cheer leader, using my voice to encourage the player.

But then..

I DREAMED TO BE THE PLAYER.

I want to run fast and be first on the finish line… champion in your heart.

I want to jump high and block the spikes of pain and heartaches.

i want to grab and steal your heart from my rivals.

i just don’t want to be the one you’ll hear shouting your name, but you won’t even notice as there as so many of us cheering our hearts out.

i’m always hoping you’ll glance by my way after your 3-point shot.

I WANT TO BE THE PLAYER.

i want to feel important when the crowd is cheering.

i want to experience being fouled onto, so i can have the ball and have a chance to take a shot…

a chance to shoot for my goal — your heart!

UNFORTUNATELY,

i’m not a fast runner, i can’t run and chase after you.

i don’t have the strength to spike and deliver an ace service.

i have no guts to rebound you from a failed attempt of my opponent.

I WON’T BE ABLE TO WIN THE GAME.

So i guess, i will forever be BEHIND YOUR CROWD.

i’ll just be watching from the bleachers.

i will SHOUT for your name NO MORE.

i will no longer be wishing you’d take a look at me during time-outs.

when your game ends, so is my role being your cheerer.

this i tell you now..

QUIT PLAYING GAMES WITH MY HEART!

- jamittle -

081109

my heart's METAPHORS

posted: 080709

don’t just wait `til the water runs dry.

or when i’m already frozen.

you may not even know how cold those days were.

and I HATE THOSE COLD STORMY NIGHTS!

it must have been what I had HOPE months ago, but THIS TIME.. i suddenly think, it might be over.

it must have been good, but somehow, we might lose it.

and i might give up.

- jamittle -

080709

*METHAPHOR: A figure of speech “in which one thing, idea, or action is referred to by a word or expression normally denoting another thing, idea, or action, so as to suggest some common quality shared by the two. (google)