great PRETENDER

posted: 080509

I’ve been trying to ignore the coldness this past few days,

but there’s much so I feel my heart is frozen deep within.

I’ve been trying to think there’ll be sunshine in the next few days,

but still it’s raining hard.

I’ve been trying to smile to mask the pain,

but all I do is frown deep inside.

I’ve been trying to face every morning in an optimistic view,

but the day just seem to end in a negative way.

I’ve been trying to shout for joy,

but my heart is screaming from pain.

I’ve been trying to assure myself there’s nothing wrong,

but then realizing that something isn’t right.

I’ve been trying to play happy songs,

but ended up listening to sentimental ones.

I’ve been trying to watch comedy shows for a laugh trip,

but still changes the channel to a drama for a weep.

What I’ve been trying to do always ends up otherwise.

Now, I know…

Pretentions will still lead me to my real feelings.

I won’t be able to hide what I feel inside.

I won’t be able to tell the world how fine I am,

when it is in fact otherwise.

I just have to be REAL.

It is soooo cold.

My heart is suffering from a storm, I want sunshine.

I want to frown, instead of smiling.

I’m having bad days, I want it to be through.

I want to shout out loud instead of laughing out loud.

Something isn’t right, so what’s wrong?

I’m sad, I’m not loving this mood.

I just want a way to cry and then get over it.

The hardest thing to do is to admit that somehow,

I was suffering from defeat.

I lost the fight against pretentions.

I can no longer hide myself.

I now have the strength to tell you how I am.

Just don’t ask me questions.

I won’t be able to respond.

`cause until now,

I DON’T KNOW WHY.

- jamittle -

08/05/09