posted: 121509
From my previous entry, in order to change my future, I decided to take a different path, the road less traveled. However, during that time, my heart is still stronger than my will… that I can’t even let go of my present, until I found a reason to move on to another path.
I can hardly explain this sudden change of heart. All I can say is I met someone who caused me to finally learn to let go of the present and face the unknown future. And this was totally unexpected. He is the person who changed my life.
In him, I found someone who can get me out of where my heart was stuck. He has the potential to steal me from my miserable present. I didn’t have the plans of stealing him from his girl, nor try destroying their relationship. It’s just that, we’re close and I was afraid, either or both of us will fall… and we both did.
I didn’t mean to wreck someone else’s relationship. I am a just and fair person; I don’t want others to suffer due to my childish acts. For a moment, I am rationally arguing with myself, saying, “Girl, you are on the wrong track! Better turn right!” But a feeling of happiness invaded my rationality and without thinking twice, I took the plunge.
Forgive me as I tell this story. I knew all along, I am being devilish, who wants to share for someone’s piece of sweet cake. But when love strikes the heart, there’s nothing you can do but to give in. That’s what I did. Though I knew that I can never be the only one in his life, I took the risk and I took a chance. I can never call myself his girl `cause from what people knew, he has a girlfriend. Instead, he called me his “wife”. how flattering it is to be called wife when in fact in fact, I’m the mistress!
I knew I can cope up with this complicated set up. This decision I’ve made, I have no regrets. I love him enough. Enough, that it caused me to enter in this kind of situation. I ain’t had no one who made me feel loved the way he did. I can feel that he’s true in every word he said, in every move he made, and in every effort he exerted.
So what is our set up? I am his wife, she is his girl. I am the secret one, she is the legal one. I am the one he loves, but not the one he’s officially committed to and she is otherwise. She got to spend the weekdays with him, without her knowing that for the rest of the week, he’s mine. I knew about her, she didn’t have even the slightest idea about me.
He can’t give up any of us. He’s afraid that when his girl discovered the truth and leave him, I will leave him, too. And it is too much to bear for him. I told him, I’ll put myself where I am expected to be. I won’t even try to destroy their relationship. We’ll just enjoy each others company. And when the time comes for him to decide who to choose, I told him there’s no pressure. He can give me up and I will let him go. Besides, I don’t have the right to fight against the legal one. I will just lose the battle.
Who am I to fight against the girl his entire family knew? I will just be the “villain” and I don’t want to be called such.
Where would this love affair lead us? That, I don’t know. He told me, he’s more afraid to lose me than to lose her. But I knew deep inside, he’s more afraid to lose both of us and be left with no one.
Still, I am hoping he’ll choose me over her, which I doubt will happen.
Is this the future I wanted? Is this the price I pay for not sticking to my miserable present and finding my new future?
Well, I am always on the side of no regrets. Whatever happens, this is my decision which I am responsible to withstand the consequences.
- jamittle -
110909
* sorry for the late posting. I am not proud of stealing somebody’s possession and I am not proud of telling the world how BITCH I am. Thanks for those who can understand and sorry for those who condemn.
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